“Sometimes I wonder how all those people who do not write, compose or paint can manage to escape the madness, the melancholia, the panic fear which is inherent in a human situation.”
encaustic mixed media
I painted this last month and I consider it the first painting I made in my new studio. I had completed a commissioned painting earlier in the month, and while that was huge and I am grateful for the opportunity and always welcome commissions, it was not my personal work. It was not that inner voice speaking to me, needing to be heard.
I really needed to create a painting that expressed what I could not/cannot even verbalize about what the whole flood/loss/upheaval has been for me. I'm not even sure if this can even capture it. But it needed to be created to get it out of my system.
I have this hanging up in my family room right now. Honestly though I am fighting an urge to paint over it. Not because I am unhappy with it. But because I feel like I was able to express what I needed to express and now I'm done with it and ready to move on. Today I had a full day of painting, the first in a long time. I made a leap. I figured out a new series I will be working on that will be about my recent upheavals. And I will be working abstractly. And it fills me with excitement to get back into the studio and forge ahead. Part of my vision for this new series is about obscuring. So perhaps painting over this is in the future. My husband though always tells me that I shouldn't paint over my paintings. I agree. And I disagree. As is the usual.
Editing and selectivity are processes that provide the first steps in determining and conveying content.